It’s rakes at dawn for Katy Ladbrook
as she eyes her neighbours’ allotments 

I never thought I’d become the type of person who got competitive about gardening. Yet here I am, feeling seriously inadequate about my pumpkins. Things were going so well this year, the little fellows were showing real promise and I was already gloating about the size my lanterns would be come Halloween. Then I spotted one growing uphill, already twice as big as mine and right by the path so everyone can see it. Now I just feel like a complete failure and am afraid that I’ve been taking it out on the veg. “Why can’t you be more like that nice big one from up the hill?” I find myself saying. Where did I go wrong?

It must be karma for getting all high and mighty over that massive carrot from last year. I can still remember pulling it out of the ground and searching around the allotment for ages to find someone to show it off to – a complete stranger in the end, the poor guy had to put up with a quarter of an hour of me harping on about the mighty root. Pride comes before a fall, I suppose.

It’s not just the size of my veggies, I’m beginning to worry about presentation too. Some gardens are absolutely flawless, planned seamlessly so that never an inch of ground is bare. I’m convinced that people go out there with vacuum cleaners because everything is immaculate; you wouldn’t guess that it was all born of mud.

Gardening used to be a liberating, messy and playful pass-time. I was a happy amateur with gaps in my beds and radishes you could break your teeth on. Now as each season passes I feel under pressure to maintain standards. I need to measure up, especially against some of these ‘new kids on the plot’ who are, quite frankly, putting me to shame.

Take this year’s Most Improved Allotment winners for example. Lovely couple; heroically cut back 8ft bramble and eradicate the knotweed. A shed goes up and beds go in within their first season. Quite an achievement and yet all I can think about is how scruffy it makes my plot look and that it’s alright for some with their cordless power tools.

What’s happened to me? I never used to bother about these things and now I find ideas of sabotage entering my imagination. I think that behind all that cheery camaraderie there is unspoken competition between gardeners. We tell ourselves that size doesn’t matter, that looks don’t count but if we’re honest it lifts our spirits when we see that we’re doing better than someone else.

I don’t need to be alpha gardener and lord it over people, I just want to be able to hold my own. You can close the door on housework, but everyone can see your garden with its wonky leeks and floppy daffodils. It’s war out there, and you need to be tactical. Arm yourself with these top tips for keeping up appearances.

•    Arrange your beds so that perennials grow in the most visible “shop window” areas of your garden. A herb patch or row of fruit bushes require little attention and can be counted on to look tidy and productive with minimal effort.

•    Cover unused areas with a permeable barrier or mulch so that it stays weed free until you are ready to use it. Even if you’re not intending to get round to using it this year, it will look as if you are!

•    Be a rebel and germinate your plants ahead of the sow by date to get a head start. Seedlings are perfectly happy on a windowsill until March and under glass until the last frost. You can be all smug as you bring out three-month-old plants while your neighbours are just getting started!

•    Some plants can always be relied upon to deliver the goods. Morning Glory climbs like the clappers and Busy Lizzies spread beautifully, both producing lovely flowers. Radish and lettuce are good quick fixes for a vegetable plot, with a bit of luck they can go from seed to harvest in 4-5 weeks.

•    Plant up lots of pots and grow bags as well as your beds. As the seasons progress you can move them about to boost parts of the garden that are looking a bit sad. It’s the gardening equivalent of covering a bald spot.